where is the path to

     I feel like I can't breath now. Somehow it's like this has happened before, like I'm having deja vu, like there's nothing to do and no one to turn to. I've tried texting Alisun, but she was going on a mom-daughter bonding kind of date which consisted of getting ice cream and school supplies, and wish that could be, I wish that I would remember, that I could remember. Everything's in the back of my head, pressing against my spine, but I can't reach it and pull it out, it's shut up and covered and it hurts like it's on fire.
     I guess I should say what happened. School's going to start soon, and Alisun keeps asking where I'm going, if we'd have classes together, and I thought I remembered homeschooling before, but she asked me to ask my aunt if I could go to school, and I said I would.
     I haven't seen my aunt in a while. She's gone all day, all night. I think she might live with her boyfriend or something, but I don't talk to her. I'm pretty fine with it. She's not my mom or anything.
    The door to her room is always closed, though, and today I thought I heard noises from inside. I decided I was going to ask, and so I opened the door.
    There was a man in my aunt's room. He was the man from the library. The man with the sunglasses. And as I looked at him, it hit me like a bullet, that I was safe, so safe. He is my grandfather. He would take care of me.
    I ran away. Grabbed my laptop from my room and ran, like an idiot. He smiled at me from the window.
    I'm posting this from the library now, it's closing soon. He's not at his table. But he will be soon.
    I'm so fucking stupid. When I look at him, I feel safe. But when I saw him today, where did I see him? I felt like I could almost remember. And that thought was the most terrifying thing I could think of, the things I almost remember. Where did I see him? I can't read what I wrote. I can't remember.
    Welp, here I am. Having a breakdown in the library. I just need to get away, I need to go somewhere. I feel like this has happened before, a million times before. Like I'm falling down the rabbit hole, but it's a place I remember like my own bedroom.
    I wish I was going to Wonderland.
I should go.
I'm trying I really am I swear to God