Friday, May 10, 2013

Run away like it was yesterday

I haven't been outside in...two days? Three? It feels like years, like I might step out to a completely different world. It feels like there's a magnet in her, she pulls me in, even as I hate her oh god help I'm scared of her she makes me think about her when I shouldn't care.
I told my mom, I told her I hated her (I don't even know her name). She was so mad, she shoved me into the closet and turned out the light and whispered through the door...so many things. That I would rot for hating her. That I didn't know anything, that I was a stupid child. That she wished I didn't exist. That my father had killed himself to get away from me. Finally I stopped listening, just put in my earbuds, but I could see her eyes glowing through the slats in the door (it was one of the flimsy ones that aren't airtight and have the little ventilation blind-y things). I listened to music until my iPod died, then broke through the slats at the bottom. It's dark out now, it's nightime (and my timezone is completely messed up now so it's gonna look like I'm posting this in the morning and oh god maybe it is morning) and I'm in the guest bedroom where me and my mom were sleeping. She hasn't come in yet. Usually back home when she got really mad she'd come into my room and try to apologize. And oh god, I don't want her to come in I've locked the door oh god I just want to wake up there are eyes in the window
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